Have you been convinced that if you tried a minuscule harder, you could make things better?
Wanting to be in control seems to be a universal feminine desire. I have not met a singular woman who didn't show signs of this trait. Whether it is keeping her house just "so", fighting those pesky wrinkles appearing colse to the eyes, being on time, trying to get her kids to behave they way they ought. I am sure there are exceptions to my generalisation, but I do believe that control is something women have struggled with since the dawn of time.
Healthy Food For Women
"Healthy Food For Women"When Eve saw the fruit on the tree she saw it "was good for food, and pleasing to the eyes, and could fill the desire of development one wise. So she took of its fruit and ate." Let me paraphrase in the style of a self-help marketer - "Try this new recipe of gaining all the comprehension and comprehension you need to live a flourishing life! And it tastes fantastic! Plus it looks great, and will complement any fruit basket!"
It sounds to me like the extreme self-help offering. And I am sure I still struggle with the same idea processes as Eve. As soon as life gets difficult my first idea is..."I can fix it!! I know I can!! If I just think hard sufficient and work hard sufficient at it, I can make things better!" Unfortunately, trying to fix things often means trying to get other population to do the things you want them to do, or to be the way you want them to be. This is where the mystery of the principles comes in. population (especially husbands and children) can be notoriously difficult at fitting the mould we have for them in our minds. They don't Like to fit into our mould. They want to fit into Their mould.
This is why being in control so often breaks down into manipulation and blackmail. Because finally the idea that we can be in control is a lie. There are two major things in life that we can never control. Other people, and life circumstances. I've already discussed why we can't control other population - because unless they select to do what we want them to do with their own free will, the life-giving definite relationship breaks down. Kris Vallotton says we can only affect population as much as they have value for us. After that we have to manipulate and "muscle" them to affect them.
Moving away from people, there are things in life that we can never control, and we all know it. Death, aging, economic climate, weather, accidents, illness. The list goes on. Of procedure most population in the world spend their lives development variously flourishing attempts to control these things (how many vitamins do you take in one day?). However, finally we cannot be completely protected. So what is the way forward?
What encourages me greatly is that Eve was looking at the apple in her excellent state. She had not yet fallen. This means that the impulse to make things better, to enhance things, was part of her customary design. She was Meant to be like that. What she did with that impulse was her tripping point. But I would like to argue that the desire to be in control is an expression of something good that is built into women's nature, and that thing is responsibility.
It is what drives us to make sacrifices for our children, to succeed our husbands to new places in crusade of careers, to cook and clean a house when we are ill, to buy another pair of school shoes instead of a new dress. A woman's nurturing instinct is proper commonly as a part of her makeup, although it is expressed uniquely in each woman.
So how should Eve have stewarded her impulse? - in the useful and life-giving form that control was designed to take - self-control. Jack Canfield, co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, writes a straightforward equation which brings titanic relaxation from the burden of controlling external factors:
Event + Response = Outcome
We can never be completely in control of events (or people) but we can be completely in control of our response. And that means we can finally be in control of every outcome. Of procedure the real battle is to have a definite response to every event, and that is where self-control comes in. I believe we can build up our self-control with exercise, just like a muscle. In fact, self-control is something our parents have built into us to varying degrees in our upbringing. How many of us remember our mother's reply to our invite for a sweet treat at 5'o'clock - "Wait until after your supper". Self-control is a potential that is taken for granted in many areas of adult life, and is forsaken in many other areas to an addition degree (credit card debt is a fairly contemporary phenomenon!).
I am preaching to myself here, I assure you. I have been very lazy in many areas and am only now studying that self-control is a healthy, definite and constructive way to express my natural desire to make things better without manipulating others or living in fear of catastrophe! Every small definite response I make to the situations life brings me will give me an accumulated taste of definite outcomes. It's not easy, but I know it will free me from the bondage of trying to be in control, and that will be worth it.
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